As darkness descends onto us after a long summer day, let us take a stroll on the beach. The waves could wash away the masks that we have been wearing all day long and we could be us – the real you and me. Maybe we could just let all hell break loose and watch as our demons dance with one another’s.
Does it happen to you? Does an indescribable sorrow fill your soul and make you want to write when you least expect it?
Where you want to find the exact word that explains what you are feeling and put it down on paper. Where you want someone to understand what you are trying you write, find the perfect word and finish your sentence for you. But it just doesn’t happen.
It’s a weird kind of loneliness that few will understand. Where you stand surrounded by your own kind, yet feel like there’s something missing. A longing that’s unfulfilled. Like when you know all your alphabets and words, yet you can’t pen it down. You know you want to write, but you just can’t. You sit there staring at the wall clock or the back of people’s heads. Waiting for that moment when something magical will hit you and all the right words will flow.
Have you ever felt like time just slipped out of your hands? Like if you could just relive some moments over and over, without clinging onto mere memories instead?
I’m living in that moment right now. Trying to conjure up moments while I gather up as many memories as I can. Of my childhood, family and friendships. Good and bad, happy and sad.
Somewhere between fleeing in pursuit of a long sought after freedom and finding it, I grew up. But how I wish I didn’t.
I long to be home. Back within the comforts of four walls, shielded by the love of my own. Where every day is no longer a new battle.
I’m learning. I’m growing. Discovering myself. I’m happy. Maybe this is just one of those days, when I wish I could have it all. I wish I could have it all – at home.
We sit across from each other. Hand in hand, lights all around. Chatter and merriment flooding the room. The music fills the room, riding on waves that the breeze brings with it. Conversations pour like torrents as glasses clink and a light headiness returns to our midst.
Your eyes saunter over to meet mine. Slowly, your smile finds its way onto my lips. But only for a fraction of a second. For we are interrupted, when the waiter arrives to ask your friend if she likes the wine. My gaze breaks away from yours. And I turn to smile at the man holding my hand.
Away from people.
Pushing aside your
Memories and thoughts.
And finally you make it.
Only to find yourself,
At the same old spot,
Ready to run again.
Thrashing around in a sea of emotions.. let me drown myself in the depths of your soul.